screaming at myself in the mirror...

soooo i woke up today thinking it was gonna be an awesome day. really did. got to spend some serious time with someone i was missing like craaaazy. my plans? celebrating my bffs birthday, going out for wings, shopping, and more time with previously mentioned someone. it was going good till i found this:

.....and this:

...and this:

.....fun times. cops were called and all that good shit. talked to my insurance, and found out they won't pay a thing with this. sooo im paying you to do nothing. fuck that shit.

......im just so frustrated.

now my plans for the day? go put duct tape and garbage bags on my car. pick up broken glass. scream a little more. fun times.

learned something lately-TRUST.

...ive never been one to let myself go-to just put all i have into someone else. to let my future be in their hands.
.........frankly, though, it's the only way to go.

I went through so much. stress, depression, etc. i couldn't see the proverbial "light" everyone is supposed to be looking for. i don't think i even cared to look for it. i had just given up.

TRUST.

i have given it ALL to the One who can handle it...and it's been handled, and is better than i could have ever imagined.

ive been angry..and now, everything seems to be okay. i had lost my job, and now have 2.
i was lonely, and have realised im surrounded by wonderful, amazing friends. i was tired, and now im awake and refreshed. everything is good again.

....there are still things that worry me...PCS, one of my oldest and best friends' life choices........
.......and all i can do at this point is pray for those situations-cause, in one, we've fought and fought and fought and there's nothing else to do but pray. Of course, prayer ought to be the first thing one turns to, but so often, it's the last. that was true in my case.

im just done fighting, and pushing away. i know ill still end up getting hurt, and hurting people, but im gonna get through it, and only by the grace of God.